From 1/16/09 Black Ice Monday

What a great article. So true on the analogy for life as well as recovery. It is so cool your daughter Mary was like Mary in the Bible hanging on to her Father. Oh that we would all be like Mary...

Thanks for the smile, Phil, and for your kind words last week in the teleconference. As you would anticipate, I made the most of your teleconference endorsement during the sessions that followed. Let me know if there's any way we can help you in the future. Your project is a great example of making the most of your assets and paying attention to opportunities as they arise.

Phil,
A good one. Thanks.
Tom Kirk

Thanks Phil! ...and a happy new year to the CCAR folks.

From 9/26/08 Deposed

That is really a wonderful expression of your struggle with the deposition and the case. As we discussed often, it is difficult for lawyers to know the impact of the system on clients. Although, I must say that it was much easier to see the impact on you than on most. It is very important for those of us on this side to understand that impact. I have taken the liberty of sending your draft to some of our associates for their perusal because I really think it’s a great teaching tool.

Nice job on your article…one hand with program, one hand with Higher Power…The Power of Prayer…Lawyers too~ Have a sunny day…talk soon!

Well written. Actually sounds just like our conversations. Your writing makes the reader feel as if you are right there telling the story. Wonderful and welcome back. Now prepare to be destroyed again on October 6, 2008. By the way happy birthday a couple of days early. Next one actually means something. And I only have 6 months to go.

That's awesome.

I was moved by your article on your "dark night" experience. I'm so happy that you were able to choose the right thing, the right way. I've had my own version of the "dark night" in the past. Once you experience the glory of the morning, you know it was all worth it. I'm happy for you! In another email, I am forwarding a Thought for the Day that I receive daily from Joel Osteen Ministries. I like his positive approach to spirituality and life. I will send one that I think you will appreciate. Continued peace!

Just wanted to say I was incredibly moved by your Hooked on Recovery story. The power of sharing what you’ve been through with the trial, your own values and recovery process, FEAR, and your willingness to share this with the whole world is truly a gift you have. Thanks for sharing your gift. I am blessed to have you as a friend, peer, colleague.

This was an incredible article, and touched me on so many levels. Thank you for sharing this, it was really what I needed today. I am off to go enjoy my day off!

Just read 'Hooked on Recovery'....I had no idea all that was happening for you and with you...THANK YOU for your courage and for walking the middle way...and for writing about it. That is powerful and you are awesome! and blessed and so-loved....wow...see you soon...

God Bless you Phil. I think I know what it is like trying to hold it together for those who count on you when inside your just plain scared. I have been sued a few times when I was in the private sector and it wasn't fun. I am sure CCAR is insured if not Philadelphia does RCSP projects for not much $.

Powerful writing. Thank you for sharing.
Two reactions.
1) Jerry Jeff Walker: The more you know the further you go from what you need.
2) God: He wouldn't bring you to it, if he couldn't bring you through it.

Whew, thanks for the honest sharing. I keep thinking about this. Your writing helps me to realize what matters.

Wow! What an awesome testimony... TO GOD BE THE GLORY! He truly takes care of his own."No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is of me, saith the Lord." Isaiah 54:17

"read it... so sorry that happened to you... the positive side of it I think was that you gained ALOT of experience, strength and hope!!! AND you did not drink!!! What a MIRACLE you are!!! You are truly a inspiration. When I grow up, I wanna be just like UUUUUUUUU!!! :)"

This describes how situations have worked for in my 22+ years in recovery. They say: "The only place that success comes before work is in the dictionary." Telling on myself has been the key. Sometimes, the work I've done with others, the constant contact I've had with winners has caused a call or a visit at the very time I was frozen and could not reach out. My recent bout with prostate cancer is the lastest case in point. When I continued praying and doing the next right thing, I, in time, reached that point of peace you so clearly described.

Thanks for your September 26, 2008 “Deposed” Article. It was both interesting & encouraging. I recently heard another acronym for FEAR. Sometimes the fact that I forget everything is all right certainly leaves me spiritually deposed and very vulnerable to the limits of my humanity and my finite understanding. Thankfully the God of my understanding far surpasses my understanding and fights every unseen battle. Sounds like there was a mighty defeat of the enemy has been wrought on your behalf. He that began a good work is faithful to complete it! Letting go and letting God is an awesome luxury. Even if we do let go leaving claw marks. The broken nails always grow back. Then we can start scratching all over again. I guess the secret would be to discover the source of the itch. I think it’s ok to scratch as long as we don’t tear any skin or leave any scars. Even so tears mend and scars heal. When I itch I scratch; when I scratch I feel, when I feel I know that I’m alive. The victory is in not checking out before the miracle happens. You were my miracle today. Thanks for sharing your experience, strength and hope.

Thank you for sharing your struggles and your triumphs….you have my deepest respect.
And, most important, thank you for what you give back in the process….

As you know I’m one of Hooked on Recovery’s biggest fans and have missed it over these past months. I’m so sorry to learn you had to go through all this! “Deposed” is a very moving piece and I’m grateful that you wrote it! Many folks would have resisted saying how vulnerable their recovery was, after 20 years! But although you were tempted, one of the most telling changes from addicted to recovery thinking is that you reached out—to several folks—and didn’t become totally isolated. And that you still called on God to accompany you—Those are huge changes in coping strategies that I hope remind you that you are a different person than you were 20 years ago.Addiction and isolation are inextricably linked for me. The people in my life that I have loved and lost to addiction couldn’t ever reach out, and left me feeling the guilt of not reaching in well enough, (despite knowing I can’t do that for someone who locks me out.) It’s good to remember God walks the path with our loved ones, whether we see him or not.The links between your faith and your recovery are truly a gift. Thanks for sharing.

Wow is all I can say. Glad you are getting through it. You are appreciated by many here in RI and glad you are on the side of good!!!

Phil Thanks for sharing your spiritual experience so willingly and openly. This really made a difference to me today.

Great Story to share with others. I think I see a short story here! It could make some money.

Thanks for your story. Welcome to the role of Executive Director and the first is always the worst. So much of what you wrote about is so real for me.

I was kind of wondering why you hadn't been writing as much... glad to hear that you got through that.

Whatever happened to you, I'm glad you survived this troubled time. Thanks for sharing your story of courage.

Powerful article about the sustaining power of God available to all who "are willing to go to ANY length". Now however the melodrama is history unless you choose to resurrect it to pad your resume for canonization. Time to "let go absolutely". Yet even when we do that it often doesn't let go of us, but when the echoes do haunt us, smile and be grateful because they are more a reminder of God's mercy then the threat of the devil's revenge. Scripture is filled with admonitions to look forward not backward. Good to get it out but great to move on. GOYA there's work still to do.

I saw you on the hill, standing strong, but willing to bend with the wind that blew toward you, never breaking, with deep roots to hold you.
I am happy you have found your voice again. I continue to work through my anger in writing, with some help from some friends, and some excellent insight from Sandy. Keep writing, purging the doubts and questions you have about yourself and your choices. Don't second guess, know you did the best you could based on what you knew at the time. I know you did.

I didn't know you had this mess hanging over your head! Court rooms are not one of my favorite places, you can be right, yet the system finds you wrong! Please count me in, prays, prays, and more prays have fortified me in my time of need.GOD bless you, CCAR, your staff, and your many volunteers! This year's Recovery Walk was special to me. I was given the privilege to be a "Greeter "and talk to people. I'm not in recovery, but this gave me hope for my follow man. ( We Are All God's People )

Congratulations on your overcoming your valley. I'm sorry you had to go through such a trial. Thank you for sharing and I pray you continue to uphold your commitment to recovery. I have heard you speak several times and I believe you have significant support and understanding from those you don't even know like me. I introduced myself to you at the recovery walk and although I don't expect you to remember, I just wanted to tell you I think your doing a great job. I think CCAR is one of the best empowerment tools for people in Connecticut who are in, or are seeking recovery. By the way the music at the recovery walk was awesome.

I was encouraged by one of my co-workers to also respond to e-mail. I have been blessed and moved deeply in reading this message. I can only think of God's faithfulness in bringing you through the valley of the shadow of death because as He promised in Psalm 23:4-5, " I will fear no evil, for you are with me, your rod and your staff they comfort me, you prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies, you anoint my head with oil, my cup runs over." The Lord was not only with you but He had prepared a table before you in the presence of your enemies! He had made provision for this trial. You already had the victory! You already was an overcomer! He anointed your head with oil (the oil of gladness) so that you would be able to rejoice, not for the trial in itself but for the victory that was yours through Christ Jesus! The enemy tried to use this trial that God allowed to bring you down and back but the Holy Ghost hovered over you and gave you the strength to stand under the trial trusting God the Father that He would make a way for you! May the Lord continue to strengthen, encourage and take you forward in the plans and purposes that He has for your life! For His Word declares in Jeremiah 29:11, "For I KNOW the thoughts (plans) that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts (plans) of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." Amen!

From 8/22/08 Tube and Worm

I never knew you to be able to catch anything but the bottom! You must have stolen kayak fishing from the South as we’ve been doing it for years!

Thank you....for the teachable message. Will share it

Very good Phil, I enjoyed thoroughly. Have a great week.

Your article (much of which was pretty impenetrable to a non-fisherman like me) reminded me of how conventional and how limited we are in our church strategies. Glad to be reminded that there are always a few new tricks to be learned.

A peaceful descriptive story. God has a lot of odd lures in His tackle box. Glad you listened, glad you're one of them.

Thank you for the wonderful story you wrote on trolling and jigging...
You have succeeded in making me very homesick. I miss the Cape so much!!!
Your eloquent way of writing made me feel as though I was right back on Buzzards Bay trolling off my Nana and Grampa's boat. Boy, those were the days!!! Before the disease unleashed. Oh to be a child again!!! I can almost feel the sand beneath my toes and in other places sand should not be (wink)...I have done much research since our chat before you left on vacation and thank goodness I am teachable today, and thank goodness for Mr. Phil and his extensive wisdom!!! And my knowing where and whom to ask for direction and help. Thank you very much. More will be revealed as my sponsor always says...

Great writeup this month. I too will now remember those words from your sponsor. "Remain Teachable". At a recent golf outing I recall being taught how to hit a driver from the fairway. Set the ball back in my stance, aim slightly left of target, swing easy and hit down on the ball. Nice tip to learn even if I could have used it 30 years ago. I might not even need Hybrids in my bag anymore! Thanks Coach!

From 2/22/08 Eat Less, Move More Chapter II

The good news is you’ll be able to pull in the big one when she hits.

Just read your story on losing weight. It made me laugh and most importantly made me feel great about trying to lose weight. I still find it hard to hit the gym with people who look like they are going to burst through their skin if they keep lifting weights. How much weight are you warming up with now? That was funny of her to mention her warm up weight in comparision to yours. Good luck!

You go, boy! I send this with love from my recliner, eating pistachios, and diet pepsi...

From 11/9/07: Greenhead

I enjoyed your Hooked on Recovery article Greenhead. I to am involved in soccer from the recreation level up to premier. There are many a life's lesson I learned on that field, both as a player and coach. You were right not to say you could have coached that 1-0 loss game a bit different. The beauty of the free flowing game of soccer is that NO matter what your record is, if you put forth the effort you can see results. I coach and direct the U10 rec. division in my town. This past Fall in our season ending tournament the final came down to the first place undefeated team against the third place team with a 5-2-2 record. The third place team put in their heart's and won, 3-0. Continued success for yourself and son in soccer.

I too am a humbled believer in the mysterious ways God works through children. Of course that was one of Jesus' strongest suggestions -- "unless you become like a little children you cannot enter the kingdom of God". Stay teachable, more will be revealed!

I remember that greenhead guy at 3v3. Scary dude for sure. I'm living the soccer dream just like you. Just finished up the outdoor season where Wes played rec and travel. He was dual-rostered on both the U12 D3 and D4 teams. His D3 team won the whole enchilada this year getting them into the finals with a 3-0 shutout in the semi final with Wes as the starting goalie. Emma was also playing rec and dual rostered travel with the U9 girls. Her D4 team also won the entire division with Emma as the #1 goalie. To top it off, both kids are now playing the indoor season with Emma playing for West Hartford Premier. I too am living and learning through my kids.

From 9/21/07: Jimmy

My thoughts and prayers go out to Sandy and your family. Thank you for letting me "get to know" a little bit about Jimmy, I imagine God holding him in the palm of his hand, at peace.

During the last number of months I have been the recipient of this newsletter. I am not sure how I got on the list. I have been touched by many of the articles and particularly moved by this one. Please accept my condolences and extend them to your family.

Through my tears...thank you for always sharing the deep, meaningful issues that help us all.

Just read your ecolumn sent to me by CCAR. I'm very, very sorry for your loss. Your brother sounds like an incredible human being and you've told his story well. He's with the angels now and he lived his life well. Your brother was a good man, a man who does his job well, quietly and does not ask for much more. To me, that defines a hero and he is all of that. Please be well, his story is now with the world and the gifts he gave is now shared with all of us.

Good morning, and thanks for the extremely powerful and moving tribute to Jimmy. Your article makes me wish that I had known him. It was truly a joy, although difficult, to read. Thanks again for so openly sharing yourself and your family with so many. God bless you, your family, and most of all Jimmy!

I am not sure why i was included as one to receive this but i give thanks to God that i was. It is a wonderful heart story form a humble sinner seeking to serve his Lord and master. You have so much respect from me for what you are doing. While i have never had a dependency problem i have worked/loved on many who have. Twenty or more years ago i played a very small part in one of my workers recovery from booze. He went on to be a valued member of his community and was always in demand by judges and other officials to help others. You and your ministry are covered by prayer from this sinner. Keep your eyes and heart on the Lord you know he will get you through each valley and that He is your constant in this messed up world we live in.

Well done Phil...powerful. My sympathy to Sandy and your family. I must say I'm still laughing though about something being screwed into his head. Be well my friend.

Our sincere condolences to you & family. From Ours, God Bess You We Are Praying for you!!!!

Thanks for sharing this. My sister's husband was a fireman for many years. When he died, it was amazing how many fireman came to the funeral. He was driving by the firehouse where two bucket trucks formed an arch across the national highway. It was very heartwarming to the family.

Thank you. This was, for me, the best one I have read. I guess grief brings us together that way.

That was a great story about Jimmy, we have been praying for you, sandy and her family. We love you guys! It seems I only get to see this side of you when I read your messages on line. I miss your fellowship and the other guys too.

It’s is beautiful! Quite a wonderful tribute to a very special gentle man.

'Grief teaches the steadest minds to wander...' Socrotes...

I am so sorry for your loss, may GOD keep you and Bless you. I haven't read your stuff in a long time and to read this was not what I had expected. I usually open your mail just knowing that it will offer some enlightenment on my life or yours and make me ponder and smile. Kinda surreal for me to read that life happens too you also, when my Mom died I was so disconnected that I don't remember crying and now I find myself crying at someone else's joy or pain as if it was my very own,now I am reminded of how death redefines life, how it redefined the word alone for me,how I thought about losing who had loved me the most and the best and I smile thinking that.........She in life redefined my life in so many ways and it was in her death that I had found definition.
I see that I am not alone in this finding of definition,defining.

That was a wonderful story. He sounds like a great person. I’m sorry for your loss.

My sincere condolences to you, Sandy and your family. What a touching tribute the Hooked on Recovery Piece is to his memory. Thank you for sharing.

I don't always make time to read everything that comes my way, Your reflections really touched me today. I am struggling too with mixed emotions, thank God I have the willingness to let them happen..... and the mental ability to ask for help.... today my WILL is to refuse hopeless defiance (because it ain't going MY way) and to rest in hopeful RELIANCE..... His will makes it straight. Matthew 11:28-30 Then Jesus said, "Come to me, ALL of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke fits perfectly and the burden I give you is light. Thanks and God bless....

Sorry for your loss. You're in my thoughts.

Please accept my deepest sympathies to you and your wife in the loss of your brother-in-law. Your words about him were lovely; you honored him well with them.

I am very sorry to hear about your brother in law. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. If there is ever anything I can do to help you guys out, let me know.

From 8/17/07: Blitz

You truly are a gifted writer, among many other attributes, six of which are your children and your wife. Thanks for once again sharing a wonderful truth. I actually thought I was there experiencing the whole four hours with you.. I guess I did, at least the next best thing.

Can I be so bold as to suggest that you make a video of this thing next time, if there is a next time. At least have some good pictures of the action. Talk about fishing in a bowl.........My kids did the same thing with perch at my brother's pond years ago. Except they did not put any back, and we ended up burying them under our corn crop (which didn't taste fishy at all). And we got pictures to boot. Great story, must have really got the kids going.

Just read August 17, 2007 Blitz. So glad you had such a great time with your family. These are the kinds of memories your kids will always look back on fondly. See you on the 15th!!

WOW - great fish story!

Great Comeback!! Thanks keep em coming!!!

Glad to hear you had a good vacation... missed the fishing stories, glad to see you're back writing again!!
You mean the kids don't miss home after 3 weeks? that's a real sign of a good time! we were gone 2 weeks, and then left them with my parents in NJ for a few days last week, and they were definitely ready to come home...

From 6/1/07: Stupid Man Commercials

Excellent article and I agree with your comments on commercials. It's demeaning to men and it takes the respect from the men as the head of house hold and gives power to the woman as head. These commercials give the message that men are stupid and women and children should not respect men. This I believe contributes to the break down in families. The same is true of these programs that calls themself "comedy".

I really do not like the beer adds. They always make it seem fun and appealing to the 19 year old group ( I have one of them).

Well said could not agree with you more.

How about the one where the father is reading aloud from a newspaper about Activia, and suggesting the family try it, while his wife and daughter are placing containers of it on the table and displaying wry smiles? Detach much?

I have a suggestion. Stop watching so much TV and spend your time in life giving environments. Just a suggestion.

From 5/18/07: T-Ball and Michael

What a blessing to discovery saints within the sickness. Nobody is gone until they're forgotten. Michael will be around for a long time.

Wow, you made me cry. You so captured him Thank you.

As always - a heartfelt reflection - I enjoy your writing. Sorry to hear about Michael's departure - I too remember meeting him - a lovely man - give him my regards as well.

Anyone who knows Michael will get choked up on this piece.

From 3/2/07: Eat Less Move More

Story of my life, I had it backwards, I though it was eat more move less.
No wonder I'm fat.

If I couldn't eat, I would be forced to drink! Good Luck.

Yeah Phil! Looking good! I am with you, just had a total hip replacment and to get ready I was on my illiptical that my dear husband bought me 3-4 times per week to get ready. I am recovering well and can't wait to get back to excercising again. Just being able to walk without pain will be a real blessing. Enjoy keeping up with you through your e-mail messages.
May the Lord continue to bless you!

Well, well, to say the least the topic hit home. I have been a stay at home dad for going on 3yrs. and boy am I a changed person, Large and NOT in Charge I like too think. I have the damnedest problem moving and eating less I wonder if those weight watchers meetings are based on the or some 12 step program and if they are will I have the hell of a time getting involved like I did with these 12 I am already partially attempting. Phil, baby whats good??? brother I am sitting here popping popcorn shrimp in my mouth like they are directly connected to my existence and I want to stop but they taste so good like everything I eat it tastes so good and then I get the I-tust and the moving part is out the window. I guess i have to get my ass moving man, but its so cold outside and i am so full, lol.

From 2/16/07: Of Hedgehogs and Rhinos

Hooked On RecoveryThat was great Phil!

Of hedgehogs and rhinos, I think as long as we become aware of the others propensities and accept them, amazing progeny could result. Well done.

From 2/2/07: David

Since Phil neglected to share this golf tip with us in person, I figure I would blab it to the whole world! It took me hours of scouring golf magazines, videos, training aids and websites before I discovered this little GEM.
Quote: "Sparky also gave me the greatest putting lesson of all time, "pick your line and figure out how hard to hit it" An excerpt from this article.

As in Corinthians which says the greatest of these is LOVE, you start out by saying what love is not. Being able to talk about where we were is the true blessing of recovery. And with Gods guidance we are able to walk a path for the greater good of all. In Corinthians 13 we are reminded what love IS NOT--- Love does not envy, or boast, it is not proud, or rude, or anger or keep record of wrongs and does not delight in evil. Love is found no fewer then 500 times in the bible. I hope I can find that love in my recovering life.

That was a touching story, my eyes even welled up a bit. I don't think I have ever seen that side of you before. Praise God for the good work He is doing in you, He is smiling down on you for sure! Love you brother!

Thank you for sharing a very personal part of your life. Keep up the good work.

Isn't it funny that way, I like you have often thought of that love and in like you I never embraced it that way. most of the guys I feel about in that way are still active, so I kind of shy away from them but in my heart I love them dearly, Love them for not speaking when they see me or for them just nodding a gently respect that reminds me that when i was lock in that mode i had no word s for those that had paid their ransom or just escaped for that hell. I smile when I think of you, I smile a knowing smile that I know someone that is doing what I am and is doing it well. You talk about feelings that I can't wait to have and a respect for God and family I only hope to know, but in the waiting I see it. Bless your heart Philip Valentine. Can I tell you something????? I feel about you, in a way that a little brother feels for an older brother, I love to read you stuff and I guess like others that write you I feel a connection. that compels me to tell you........well............ thank you for the light. And I don't mean that kind of light that comes to someone in the dark, I mean that light that comes to those seeking to stay in the light.

From 1/19/07: Still Waters

Behind this beautiful piece, there’s a powerful message for us all. I’m proud (of you) to send it to my No. Caroline family. I’ve forwarded it on and it’ll bring a tear as it did for me.

I begin my mornings by checking my e-mails. I have been reading your e-mails for approximately two years. I enjoy the wonderful and meaningful stories you share with all of us. I wish you and your family continued happiness and recovery. Thanks for sharing.

Hooked On RecoveryBest tearjerker 2007--I know it's only January but it's so meaningful. Thanks for a lesson in gratitude.

I am new to CCAR but not to recovery. I also am well past dealing with children (mine are grown) but it came back like a flash. At this point I am dealing with my mother and stangely the issues are similar. I live with her. The line that really resonated with me in your piece was that being clean and sober you could address issues. I spent this morning addressing issues with my mom and was able to do so in a fairly rational way because of my recovery. Again, my thanks.

Another great message!

Mine too!

Sami sounds like an uncut jewel. Both you and Sandi seem to have your parent radar on her frequency. God's amazing mystery is that everyone has their own frequency. Sometimes we tuned to it and sometimes were not. All we can do is when they start to tune it up we hear the static and have the wisdom and care to listen closely. Well done. See you at the Cosmic. Peace.

From 1/5/07: 19 Years

This could be one of my top 5 faves. Thank you for making me laugh. I love you.

Thanks again for a good reading--and great laughs

Obviously it has been a job well done!!!

this is great and I had wonderful chuckles and sighs of reflection. Thanks for all you do. Happy new year.

Great job. Keep it up. I hit 20 but I only count today!

Greetings, and congratulations on your passing another milestone in your journey of recovery ! I enjoyed your musings regarding the past 19 years; especially the one about fishing being better when one's not expecting to catch anything.

Im just catching up on email. Congrats. How did you do it? I know one day at a time. I truly enjoyed lunch today. We need to do that more often. Wow 19 years. Amazing what God can do. You have been a power of example to me since I stepped into recovery just a short while ago.Love the hooked on recovery biweeklys. Well Uncle Phill again thanks for your example and I cant wait to go to the first CR meeting in Manchester.feel free to line me up for giving my testimony. You said it today you feel the calling. Now its time for obedience.

Well, I just wanted to touch base with you and give you a pat on the back.

This is probably the best one I've read Love it Happy New Year

A great way to start your 20th year!

Old friends are the best friends.
There's no bad time for a nap.
There are only two reasons a wife is ever upset with a husband: 1) You did something she didn't want you to do or 2) You didn't do something she wanted you to do.
Enjoy every day - you're not promised tomorrow.
Any mistakes I make correcting the kids' homework are truly their responsibility, not mine.

I just read your Hooked on Recovery article, which I truly enjoyed. Life does indeed send joy and pain, but teaches us new, exciting and valuable lessons along the way. Best wishes for a happy (twentieth) and new year!

I just sent this message by hitting "Reply" and probably copied 10,000 people. Oh well. In the event that it went into a hole somewhere, my message to you is below.

Congratulations again and thank your inspiration and honesty! I wanted to laugh and cry when reading this.

It is always good to hear from you....you have an awesome way with the written word....maybe you should write a book!

I remember that fateful Communion Sunday....I was one who winced. We miss you in our church family, but we are glad to hear you are in a place where our God is high and lifted up.

Congratulations on a wonderful 19 year anniversary! Yours is an interesting testimony to life and the perseverance needed to navigate it successfully.

Congratulations on 19 years, and thanks for another insightful installment.

From 11/24/06: Wilson

I had to smile imagining you and your colleagues going through this. But, then again, you tied it to the journey of recovery. Hope your holiday has, and continues to be a good one for you and your family.

There are no coincidences------ Wilson’s first name is BILL.

From 11/10/06: Manhattan Steve

Just wanted to let you know how moved I was by the posting that came
out today. What a testimony to so many things of value in a life-to have the quality of friends and to give the quality of friendship that Manhattan Steve shared with so many people. We should all be so blessed.

Phillip, you brought tears to my eyes as I read your tribute to Steve and love. It was beautifully. I fondly remember all of us sharing in the love and growing together. Thanks for reminding me that love never dies. Will talk to you soon.

I am continually amazed how God works with various people to accomplish His will. God bless you for your committment.

Thanks very much. Just what I needed to hear. Especially about Steve's serenity and peace. We are the fortunate ones.

Phil, Poignant story. True exceptional power is in accepted weakness. One of the blessings I often overlook is the beautiful memories we have been honored to experience. Life is difficult but God is great. Peace.

From 9/29/06 The Knob

I'm grateful, for you and for your family, that you were able to turn
your life around are in a place now where you can share your experiences with others. It 's so important and means so much that you share your experience because addiction touches us all in one way or other. Pretty amazing how everything we go through in life shapes us.
Again, it was a pleasure playing in the tourney with you this month.
Hope we can team up again next year. Maybe I'll implement some much
needed swing changes by then.

That was special. My feelings for you are the same. You will always be my best friend. Have a great day.

Where was mention of me? just kidding. Note about the Knob - I would not have thought twice about the weenies, chances are it was their bad thoughts and actions, past & present, that caused the cold shoulder, not your selfish assumption that it was the other way around. Matter of fact, I sat behind CL&P lineman Curt last night, who we served on multiple occasions @ the Knob, and afterward we discussed the spiritual benefits to doing more than our share at home and having gratitude for our wives. You think that's what the guys at the Knob would have had to say? You very well could be right, and I think it is a good exercise to measure our impact on others, past & present, but I have also had the same experience.

Now, how can I top this!? You set the bar way too high
Great job.

Phil, Dayna thinks you should make all of these into a book. My thoughts
are call it Musings of A Recovering Alcoholic. I would like to be the first
sale.

From 9/15/06: Attitude Adjustment

I was eating ice cream when I began to read this one. Very good, Phil!
Where's the BOOK???

Well done! Interesting as to how you tie some of the things that occur with you together into a story. I am honored to be a partner in the current story.

From 9/1/06: Tangled Lines

WOW. I know absolutely nothing about fishing but kinda understood what you were saying! Sounds like you guys had a blast!

Your proficiency with analogy is evident with your ability to capture the philosophy of recovery within the simplicity of humanity.
Sorry I'll miss the walk. I'll be working at the Commonwealth but I'll
be there in the "Fellowship of the Spirit" Remember it's a "trudge" not a
sprint.

Did I ever tell you about the only time that I ever went deep sea fishing? The guy next to me was “jigging” his line, and his huge, heavy sinker went straight up in the air, snapped, and hit me on the head knocking me to the floor of the boat.
There must be a message in that somewhere…

Being able to take life's day to day experiences and find the hidden
miracles, the profound meanings in them and then being able to render them through the art of storytelling into a medium that can be shared by all is a gift and a real blessing - both to the teller and to the hearer (in this
case the reader). As we know all too well, words are powerful tools. They
can be used both as weapons of destruction and abuse and as healing balms of encouragement and wisdom, they can instruct or confuse, enlighten the human mind and change the world for the better or hide the truth behind lies and careful omissions dooming entire nations to war crimes and death. It is up to us as writers to choose how we will use our talents. What a blessing for all of us that you have chosen to heal, to aid others in
their recovery, to inspire, to pass on your own insight and wisdom through
the marvelous medium of nonfiction. In closing, I sure hope you, Mr. Valentine, seriously consider submitting this particular essay to every market out there - from Esquire to Sports Illustrated, from Guide Posts to Field and Stream. The whole idea is that I believe this speaks outside the inner circles of recovery support professionals (i.e. the "Member List") and should be heard/read by the larger public, both those who are in recovery and those who yet need to be in recovery. Seriously, keep doing what you're doing, my good Mr. Valentine (sounds like a great title for a book, doesn't it?); keep living every moment with your eyes wide open, keep observing with an eye toward recovery and a soul open to healing and to being healed, and please, kind sir, keep sharing. May God bless you and keep you and may His light be made to shine upon and through you now and always in all ways throughout your life and on into the memories and lives of all you touch. - PEACE -

From 8/18/06: Tanned and Tough

I love your stories Phil, they are a breath of fresh air!!!

From 8/4/06: The Eagle has Landed

I never had the pleasure of seeing an eagle feast on prey at Herring Cove, but several years ago there were lots of large turkey vultures there for the season. The vultures are ugly and less majestic than the eagle, but nonetheless one is humbled by their appearance on the beach because of their skill with prey and their enormity. As a nearly every weekend traveler to Provicnetown, I love the Cape Cod seashore stories you share (try saying that 10 times fast).

Isn't is amazing what God surprises us with when we most need refreshing?

Long time, Phil... Just wanted to say how much I enjoyed your eagle story. It's an instant classic. Extraordinary event, beautifully told.

I loved this one too. Great! Fly like an eagle Phil!

I really enjoyed your story today...the gifts we receive are endless, aren't they? Thank GOD~ See you soon! Recovery Walks 2006... WOW!!!

Yes some times are better then others but as far a right time I'm convinced
that God always puts something in front of us that makes it the right time.
Sore on the wings of eagles Isaiah. Remember the road signs are there we just have to look for them. I saw my first bald eagle while fishing with my father in law in maine.

Your homilies are best when they relate to recovery. Upon further reflection, I hope you'll appreciate the difference between fat New Jersey and incredibly narrow and overcrowded Cape Cod. I don't know any more about Piping Plovers than you do, but I am willing to give them a chance. I certainly would not ally myself with the kinds of people who display the bumper stickers you mention-- who don't sound like they are in Recovery or respect the value of God's other creatures.Pastor Bill got out of his depth when he got out of his field into fishing. This time, so did you. It is better to take all of us with you into recovery than to lose some of us on the shoals of environmentalism. I'm just happy that SOMEONE ate the fish.

Wow! I just finished reading "The Eagle Has Landed" and felt compelled
to communicate how much I enjoy your messages. As a recovering addict
working in the field I sometimes need a little extra something to get through the tough weeks. Today you helped me realize that with God's help we can all see the beauty in ourselves and others (even piping plovers) Thanks and keep up the good work.

What a wonderful and powerful vision to see all of the beauty before us, and then to hear the prayer in the wings of the Eagle.

Ok Phil here where you lose me. Is acceptence always the answer? There are some pretty nasty things going on in this world to individuals and more. I dont believe we can accept those things. I also dont believe that I can let
some things go. That could be just as unhealthy. I dont believe its all in some "unknown hand". And......while Im at it, if this guy was buggin ya, how come you were able to back off from that when you found out he was a pastor. Where did your compassion and patience go for the man from the previous weeks article, that was clearly in need. He probably could have used your kind thoughts and words more.

Hi Phil, I look forwarded to your biweekly messages but this message you sent today at first got me a little upset. Since I am a very big animal lover and agree to closing beaches, shut down job sites or whatever to save the life of just one small creature. I found the first part of your article upsetting so, I stopped reading and wasn't going to read on anymore. But, a half hour later I decided to picked up the article and read the rest of it just to find myself laughing at the part of you and Pastor Bill. Then at the end of the article I started to get teary eyed. As I read about the wonderful beauty that God gives us like the Eagle and the little plover. I wonder if it wasn't for these little plovers, you and your children probably would of never experience this wonderful miracle. I truly find that this article is one of your best I have ever read.

From 7/21/06: Bridge Over Troubled Water

I smiled in identification throughout this vignette of common tests
to everybody's values. Thank God for the ability to choose humor above horror.

What a wonderful and powerful vision to see all of the beauty before us, and then to hear the prayer in the wings of the Eagle.

Your stories always come just at the prfect time. Thanks for sharing your
wisdom with us.

I'm not sure if I ever met you or that I ever will, I just wanted to extend my thanks for allowing me to read your stories. I am an addict, 11yrs. July 13th. I'm not completely sure how I got on your mailing list but greatful it happend.

I know there is a message here - and I definitely get it, but now you're
a comedy writer. At some points, I couldn't help laughing out loud.
However, I can truly relate to the silent anger - something I struggle
with and I always blame Thumper's mother in Bambi - "if you can't say
anything nice - don't say anything at all"; and usually when I'm angry -
I can't think of anything nice to say.

From 7/7/06: Funnel Cake

I just got back from wildwood where I was vacationing. It's true the funnel cake is the bomb and the place is also very nice perhaps you can try skydiving. Hey I truly hope that this note finds you in good spirits/health along with your family.I probably will see you at the walk as I'm celebrating my 18th year in recovery. I learned that in order to grow up resentments must be let go of. Take care brother Phil.

An interesting article on a 10th Step experience (or should we say 1/2
of a 10th Step experience). Always enjoy that quote from the BB. "To drink
is to die" was my mantra for many years. I LOVE funnel cake, unfortunately it only has @ 258,000 calories but it's progress not perfection. I probably would have had a similar reaction to the ineptitude in NJ but I have also used the sentence from the BB just before the Promises to avoid becoming a sober schmuck. It's on p. 83. We can't use it to justify all emotional hemorrhages but it can be an antidote to becoming a volunteer
victim. Just a thought to ponder.

Thanks for including me on your mailing list. Great piece.

Phillip you always amaze me! Thanks for another wonderful story we can all relate to J.

I kinda needed that. Thanks. On the other side, yes, I spend an amazing amount of time trying to satisfy others.....and none of them are happy about any of it.

I so enjoyed your story about your first trip to "THE WILDWOODS". Being born and raised here in the arm pit of the world..( I say that lovingly) and spending every summer on 16th street as a child I remember Wildwood when the ocean came up under the boardwalk.(in the 50's. You just encountered what Jersey is really like. I learned thru the years that being happy, tolerant and joyful really drives these people here nuts. Funnel Cakes are soooo good and know you can make them yourself. As the'WORLDS FAIR WAFFEL" from the 1930 something Worlds Fair. I need to share that I am not in recovery from any substance, but in recovery from my son's addiction, where I was so very angry, hurt and wanted to do in every body who sold him drugs at the age of 16. It took me a long time to learn the "Let Go" thing. But I thank my higher power (God) everyday that I am able to do it. I started at the age of 45 learning all I could about Addiction and Recovery, and that is how "PARENT-TO-PARENT" was born.

I thank you for reminding us of that part because sometimes in this field
we really need to remember that "Let Go" part and have to be reminded

Hope that you do visit us here in Jersey again sometime soon. We could meet
on the boardwalk and enjoy a Funnel Cake together.. I use to love the famous
"Wildwood Boardwalk WALK AWAY SUNDAY" You would have loved that... We're
only 1 ½ hours away from the Wildwoods by the Sea So come on down and take
a dip and have some fun in the sun... The Wildwood beach is the best.

IHOP sells funnel cakes, and they are good, close by, and always come with starwberries and whipped cream. A food addict knows these things. I never feel anger when I eat one. :)

I don't know if you remember me. My name is Gwen Henderson. I am the program manager for WINR in Prescott, AZ, as well as the coordinator for Our Common Welfare (OCW) in Prescott. We met when you came to Mesa to share your expertise with us. Your visit left a valuable stamp in our approach to OCW...thanks! I read your article this morning titled "Funnel Cake". Thank you again for reminding me that as a person in recovery I do not have the luxury of anger and resentment. Through the struggle of meeting deadlines, priorities, and running two programs concurrently, I find I want to justify my anger. I met some OCW deadlines yesterday, but not without frustration. So thank you again for your words of inspiration. I am included in CCAR's email group, so I get information from CCAR regularly. Today's message was one of those messages I know God sent for me. I hope someone else was as inspired as I was. We are on our way to Washington, DC tomorrow. I look forward to communicating with CCAR.

Great message for us all - even us "normies"

Love reading your stuff.

Why are you always talking directly to me when you write? I have been
stepped on too long also, but I cannot live and be happy carrying around
this anger, feelings of resentment and self-pity. I too shrug and do away
with it the best I can. It seems we get into the habit of focusing on the
funnel cakes swiped from under our noses and not on the ones that are extra special because they have strawberries. By the way funnel cakes are good for you, for your spirit, in moderation of course, kinda like french fries with cheese melted on top.Did you get to check out Cape May? Very nice place if you ever get back there.

From 6/23/06: Letting Go

Another kleenix moment! What a great legacy of sharing you've given your family .... and all of us.

A great story Phil - thanks for sharing your writing, thoughts and
emotion(s).

Just wanted to write you a note to thank you for the lovely story about your son & the soccer team. I shed a few tears when I read the story for the beauty of recovery is that we can feel the pain and sadness as well as joy in events that take place in our life. I always enjoy hearing about your kids and you are a true inspiration for all fathers (and mothers) of the world.

oh my goodness, Im crying too!

Interesting thoughts! I recently attended a short talk on "grief", and the
speakers mentioned the types of feeling you are experiencing. They said
that any change brings loss of some kind, and we need to acknowledge those feelings, not stuff them. Americans tend to stuff them and get on with life, and then at some point in the future, the smallest thing produces the biggest reaction, because all those feelings just can't be contained any
more. It's called "Cumulative Grief". So you are wise to be expressing
them now. It is a way of dealing with them and then getting on. I went
through similar emotions with Ryan and Adam as they transitioned in their lives. One in particular was the last time we were driving to Deerfoot Lodge (a Christian camp in the Adirondacks for boys). That trip to Deerfoot had become such a tradition each summer, that to realize we would not be doing it any more was tough for me. Obviously I survived, as you will. But I just wanted to affirm your message and encourage you and Sandy as your children grow and change.

I just read your hooked on recover story, it touched my heart. I certainly can understand how you can feel sad about having to let go. Change is often very difficult and uncomfortable, but almost is always a good thing too! Without change we cannot grow. Change in my life has often led me to take another step closer to God as I strive to walk with Him and in His ways.

Congratulations on being there for one of many rewards of living a
sober and honorable life. It's terrifyingly awesome that one drink or a drug could destroy all your work. The last Saturday I'm trying to bring in
from the Bronx who did lose all that after 23 years of recovery to speak at the AA meeting in Vernon at 2:00 PM. Stay close -- more people need you than you even realize.

Your latest posting about Josh and the soccer team really touched me. How proud you must be of Josh. Whenever you work with children and you truly enjoy them, it's hard to let them go....you've given them the tools to do that and you always want them to fly but when the time comes, emotions remind you how near and dear they all are. Their card says it all......many times you have to wait years to receive those "pats on the back". I have a framed saying that one of my classes gave me. It says, "Teachers, effect eternity. You can never tell where their influence ends." And, I always felt that I could substitute students in place of teachers because my students taught me something new everyday.

From 6/20/06: Sandy

You never cease to surprise me Phillip. Thank you. I love you. (but did you have to mention swearing at Pastor P’s house? :)

I read "Sandy" a couple of times. When God blesses you he smears it on you like gravy on a fat man's biscut! All the other blessings that come through in your article that are a direct and indirect result of the fact that Sandy loves you are just incredible. You are truly blessed by God. It is a joy to watch and an inspiration to me personally. May God continue to empty the blessing bucket on your heads!

I'm usually very laid back about checking my email but this morning 6/10 I found a few minutes to check in and today (John and my 11th yr anniversary) I could not have read or been told anything more meaningful than your beautiful letter of devotion and strength in love in your marriage with Sandy. John and I as well, being familiar in a blended family as you both are find it challenging and very rewarding every day. I just wanted you to know how you touched my heart today.....THANK YOU!!!!!!

This was truley heartwarming to read. It says a lot about your family and
relationship that not too many people can ever say. It takes alot for some
men to say these types of things never mind write them or tell others. It
makes me believe that there is someone out there for everyone and to never give up. Thanks for sharing this.

You are very lucky...and so is Sandy.

I just read that beautiful story about your lovely wife- thank you, once again for shedding light on those things that are most important to us and those things we should never forget to acknowledge that we appreciate in one another when we are in a relationship and especially a marriage- I have never been married, Phil, and Roy may very well be the first. I am going to take the time today to make note of the things I really appreciate about him, he is the best at telling me all the reasons he loves me and how much he appreciates me, I am truly blessed. His favorite song he sings to me is " Ain't no woman like the one I've got" . Life is good!!

did you read your husbands article yet? wow... praise God for Godly men who love their wives!!! Sandy, you are blessed!! how touching and beautiful!

Happy belated Birthday, Sandy! What a beautiful story. Thanks for sharing your life (family) with us. Many more blessings ahead for you and yours.

I just wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed your story. It was great!!!
Keep up the good work.

This is a great message. Stay strong

Very affirming article. I'm sure Sandy and many appreciated it. God
didn't get us sober to live our gratitude only at a meeting. After 36 years of marriage, I can attest to the wisdom that we are married "one day at a time" also. Change is inevitable but growth is optional and capable of stabilizing the ship when the seas get rough. As long as we keep Jesus in our boat we'll make it. Well done so far.

That’s Beautiful.

From 2/24/06: Bad Jelly

Phil, this was one of your funnies ones I ever read. I can see you now.
With that strawberry jam in your mouth.

You need to write a book! Or at least submit this piece to an appropriate magazine for publishing! Thanks for sharing your amazing
writing talents with me!

Really good.......you ought to write a book, collect all these stories.......Good and bad memories of an old surfcaster..........incidently, it's POOR, not pour. Keep 'em coming. You going to Iron-Sharpens-Iron?

This was good. I truly enjoyed reading this. I will let my young
daughter read it as well. Wise lessons to be passed on! Thank you.

I have always said "Why drink scotch when you can suck on a vinyl notebook?"

Your humor and selfeffacing honesty make my day every time I get one
of your emails. Don't let those bureacrats, state or federal, corrupt you ,no
matter how much $ they offer you ----OR, if it's REALLY a lot, take me with
you into the sinful world of copped out job security in our twilight working
years!

From 2/10/06: Hot Water Heater

Another excellent article that just about all of us can relate to. And was it you last week (when I was saying that with the warm spell, I was pumping water out of our basement) who said "we don't get water in our basement". I shouldn't have brought up the subject. We also had to replace our water heater the day before my brother and his wife were coming up for a visit. Home Depot worked just like your experience for us. Yeah for Home Depot.

I just have to say- I Really, Really Appreciate your true to life stories-
It has helped me to put my life in perspective on more than one occasion-Isn't recovery great!! God Bless You and the recovery community you support in Connecticut!

Thanks for the "Hot Water Heater" it came at a good time.

Isn't recovery awesome? Great epistle. I really enjoyed it, especially the beginning and end.

Please note the humor, this is not meant to be critical but you installed a water heater. Why would you want to heat Hot water? Lol

Excellent article - your messages make my day. thank you

Great article. The connection of humor with humility is far deeper
than alliteration. To an open mind, perspective is the path to wisdom. Good to see you're on the path.

What a great message! Perspective was a word given to me at my Yoga practice 2 weeks ago and it's a word we all should take care to know. Perspective is "whoa"- pause a moment, take a breath, look around you- REALLY look and see. We all have those hot water heater moments!

Great message Phil...being mechanically challenged also, I could relate.

From 1/27/06: Mad Skills

Hi, I just wanted to let you know how much I enjoy reading your column. Its refreshing, enlightening, truthful, sincere and best of all the fact that you can talk, mention God, quote scriptures in a world such as the DMHAS environment, well let me just say Thank you! And I thank the good Lord for you and yours. You are a great tool and example of what God can do in a persons life.

Wow, what an article. It made me laugh and then it almost made me cry. Yikes, I sound like mom.

Phil, gosh I laughed so hard. Thanks for that. You're a great writer.
When's the book coming out?

You still have mad skills...just now diverted to CCAR duties :) Thanks for making me smile with this article!

I just wanted to tell you that I think that was your best Hooked on Recovery column yet. I even forwarded it to all my friends, they all liked it too!

From 1/13/06: Hot Chocolate High

I am sooo greatful to be on your mailing list! It never fails, just when I
could use a word of encouragement, or need to know that I am not alone, I receive one your amazing real-life stories!Keep 'em coming friend!

That's a scary story Phil, I was at cvs this morning and I bought a large
box of nestles creamy hot chocolate, ummm goooooooood. And I never buy hot chocolate. You must of psychically passed this curse on to me. Oh no!!! Good Luck, Blessings

It's obvious you need more meetings!

In response to the Hot Chocolate article: "When we substitute one for another we release our addiction all over again"

Thanks for the story. I'm still in the clutches of the demon caffeine, but it beats the alternative. I'll keep coming. You do the same.

Hooked On RecoveryYou are hysterical! At 7 months pregnant, I can really relate to the need for caffeine!!

Oh my goodness that was so funny!!!!!!! I can relate to being addicted to Starbucks Chai tea and trying to get everyone I know hooked too! I finally had to give it up because I gained 10lbs in the past 3 months from using it as a substitute for breakfast :( Thanks for giving me a hearty laugh today. You are the best!

You make me want to get a hot chocolate!!

By the way, I thoroughly enjoyed the HC article. It's funny how we
sometimes don't realize how simple things affect us (as I sit at my desk,
trying to resist eating the bag of gummy bears that I bought yesterday!).

You probably don't want to look at the current issue of Time which has an article about how coffee can actually make you smarter...

From 12/30/06: 201

That was a great story! One thing stuck out to me, after having been saved I don't look at the possibility of being lucky, we are blessed......u mentioned that it was lucky that 201 gave u another chance, to me that is a God thing, not luck!!

Phil, That's a poignant story of God's hovering love amidst the clouds of
early recovery.

Thanks, once again you made me laugh out loud and cry at the beauty and hope of your words.

Phil, this is the best story yet. Thanks.

This was great. I too had a Jewish guy in my recovery. He let me use the
typesetter in his office after hours, but only paid me $4.00 an hour. But
due to his generosity with the equipment, MG was born. Then one day I got a raise. A nickle an hour. He was excited for me. But somehow God used this man to begin my new career.

A friendly reminder: Jokes about people in their eighties drooling
hit some of us the way jokes about drunks hit people in recovery. It is ok to
talk about their BEHAVIOR, like throwing chicken bones over their shoulder,
but not the crime of living long enough to be made fun of. I'm only 57, but I dream of being 80 with all my marbles and my saliva where they ought to be. It may happen to you too. Otherwise, this was a nice story. I'd rather hear about people than fish.

The beginning of this new year, it reminds me to be thankful for all the
folks that gave me a break in my career in engineering, and also in building my faith in Christ.

Been there and wiped up the drool. Actually, I remember having to tie his shoes on more than one occasion. I was a delivery person and we didn't have numbers. But I will never forget hearing "Shipper to Credit" or 201 saying "Sir, Sir do not bring back any of my furniture". That was a big no-no. I was not in recovery back then (1983), in fact I was drinking heavily. It was a good job if you wanted to work 70 hours a week and be able to drink during all of them. I know better now. I'm back in the rooms and have 2 months. Thanks for the blast from the past.

Great story, I'm kringing about the chicken bones - you made it very visual

From 12/16/05: The Cycle of Stuff

Phil, Your latest CCAR had me laughing at the beginning and crying at the end. What a range of emotions and your words.....they are so true of all of us. We could all use more room for the Holy Spirit. Thanks for sharing.

Another interesting and beautiful message. I know that you'll have a car in the garage before long. I'm very proud of you. Love, Dad

Phillip....some day, when God and you are ready, you are going to make a fantastic full-time preacher! We can all relate

Cute Phil! I would like to add one thing to your notes, that is, stuff expands with the house. Get a bigger house, and within months its just as full as your last house.

Phil, I roared with laughter and the guilty pleasure of recognition on your
"clutter" piece. I thought for a minute you had sent someone into to my
home it was so descriptive of the piles of stuff that seem to reproduce and grow within these four walls. You made my day, which was beginning to feel way too intense. And I loved the ending...especially since I was shrieking this morning about the clutter and how we as a family were going to address it over the holiday season, which was met with the zoned-out look of family members desperately trying to ignore me and just get out of the house. (There are only 3 of us, mind you, but we are all masterful at producing clutter enough to fill every nook and cranny, and we do so without an infant or toddler in sight, and all the gear that small children "need!") But you are so right--we all need more room for spirit. Maybe that's the tack I will take as I raise the issue with my small wrecking crew and clutter hounds again this evening. :-)

Just finished your latest "hooked on recovery." After I stopped laughing, I really enjoyed the message. Nice job!! And keep up the good fight!

From 12/2/05: Spyware

Just finished your latest "hooked on recovery." After I stopped laughing, I
really enjoyed the message. Nice job!! And keep up the good fight!

Phillip, It must be going around. I also received a trojan virus a few weeks ago. The bonus for me was that my mom's brother Joe is a computer genius who spends all day fixing technology peons like us have screwed up. He had me go to a working computer, go to symantec.com, download the cleaner onto a disc, and run it. I ran it several times. I still will back up everything and redo the entire operating system, but for now it works.I liked your analogy. I think we all go through those processes, even when not in official recovery, because we are all in recovery of some sort. Everyone warns you about the teenage years - angst and hormones, the college years - independence and discovery, but no one warns you about the 30 - 60 time frame. When there aren't too many big hurdles to overcome, it is just dealing with the day to day, trying to find the light amongst the arguements, dinner demands and attention grabbing. I think many women especially deal with recovery. Recovery from deserted child guilt while working, recovery in the form of trying to find the idealistic planner they were in their 20's when the world stretched out before them, recovery from the daily schedule of planning meals, doing laundry and bathing children. Where is the excitement? The discovery of self? You are so tired by the end of the day that there is little energy left for self-nurturing. You look around one day and realize you barely have the energy to speak to your spouse or open the book you borrowed from the library. I would bet that many women end up in addictive situations or battling depression during these years. Have rambled enough. Thanks for allowing me to. I do keep these for myself also - some self-therapy

I feel for you .. Just be glad it didn't make the sound of a yedi :-) hee hee

Phil, Actually if a computer virus is your biggest problem - you've got it
made! Good analogy, however. You may want to peek at page 64 in the Big
Book; the quote on resentments is priceless.
One tip I would have offered about longevity in recovery -- I believe I
have been able to maintain my connection in AA because every year I lower my expectations of the people in AA one degree. The lower my unrealistic
expectations have gone the greater my gratitude has grown and I still have
never seen a grateful alcoholic get drunk. Peace.

From 11/17/05: Best and Worst

You have just presented a scenario that happens around my dinner table or
when I tuck my kids to bed every night. We call it "highs and lows." My
husband and I are always amazed at what our 3 ½ and 5 year old come up with. We of course participate as well. And yes, the 3 ½ struggles with the
difference between the two and it takes just seconds for his older sister to
correct him. She likes being older.

Thanks for sharing this story. I enjoy reading all of them

Oh Phil, I loved that story. Matty is my hero

From 10/14/05: More Surf Fishing

When I was reading the hooked article today, you painted such a visual for me. I saw each of you standing on the beach with the waves crashing, wind blowing and the coyotes lurking in the dark. And, in the midst of it all, you just enjoying the moment; protected from the hungry animals. Scripture reminds me that satan keeps search seeking "to devour me". The waves and wind are like the busyness of life and the coyotes like the one who is just waiting out there ready to pounce. I see today how easily I can fall prey. Daily, I can chose to succumb to the busyness and then watch my joy be devoured. . .and you know how that story will end. . . OR . . . choose Jesus, an active recovery and watch my joy increase. I'm going for the joy.

I think you made some excellent connections in your fish story.
Fishing is an exercise in faith,(that there out there), patience (that often in life we must simply wait) and joy (in the existential touch of the moment).

Finally got a chance to completely read your surf fishing story. Great
story. I really enjoy your writing style – as I was saying in DC – you
have that gift of captivating people and their imaginations with your
speaking and writing.

From 9/30/05: Honor Guard

Great message! Congrats.

Your last article on the Honor Guard experience was awesome!!

Nice story. Congratulations on a successful walk; sorry I missed it but
I was in Colorado. Does this grateful regeneration of enthusiasm mean we
may see you at a meeting? Hope so.

From 8/19/05: Isolation

I am just catching up on my e-mail and I read your piece on isolation. I need you to know that I am with you in love, friendship, grace and spirit.
You ask, "Why do we isolate?" I am not so sure that alcoholics and addicts are all that different from anyone else. It is just that the consequences for us are so severe. It is part of the human condition to avoid pain - physical, emotional and/or spiritual. Therein lies the paradox. Not to seek to avoid pain is unnatural. To avoid it for too long is unhealthy.
Our lives are so busy. Maybe too busy, maybe not -- I don't know the answer to that one. I just need to not be so busy that I don't share in the lives of those I hold dear. You are one of those people for me. I love you, I have faith in you and I am glad you hit a meeting!

I just read your article where you shared on the dangers of complacency,
and why do we not turn away from the siren call. (Those Sirens really screwed up those fishermen huh?) Mr. Carr, that letter is RIGHT where I
am at this moment! I was meditating ( for the first time in months) last
night, and I had a spiritual awakening that helped me realise that I need to "shake-off" this funk I've been in and get my butt in gear! I've been recovering only on the surface lately! Keeping my committments, going to meetings (for the newcomer! hah!), and doing all the socially acceptable things that LOOK like recovery. But not doing any of the things that got me through the last five years! No writing, praying/meditating, I have a fool for a sponsor! ( myself!). I just returned to work after a 3 week medical leave (foot surgery) and I read your article, and now I am "on fire" again! I feel like I am not alone, and I will fire myself and get in touch with my real sponsor! Thanks for the eye-opener!

I was touched by your letter; especially its honesty. I know that in recovery there are many things you can do. I wonder what it would be like to ³be²: to notice where in your body the fear of ³throwing it all away² is. I wonder what it would be like to hold that place ­ either placing a hand there &/or bringing you attention there. How would you describe what you notice? I wonder what that fear wants you to know about it. I wonder what it needs.
The above process is often a way of being in good company when you¹re alone, or allowing someone to witness your process. My best wishes for your continuing recovery.

That was agreat one for me today.......I really like the statement "if I am too busy to take care of my recovery I am too busy".
Thanks for sharing...

I just got around to reading your one titled "isolation" and I want you to know that there are plenty of people "out here" who care, and were concerned about you (and that is a GOOD thing.)
Hopefully by today you are feeling very solid. If not, here is a thought and prayer for you that the next days and weeks are on solid ground. And that your recovery is more about history and less about daily struggle. And you can get back to nothing more in the forefront of your mind than your family and fishing.

Beautifully written (and felt) article. Am passing it out at our weekly Clinical Meeting. See you at the walk!

Hooked On RecoveryWoooo...now that's keeping it real!
Thank you so very much for putting things, life, stuff, in perspective...Its
damn real! Nothing to take for granted!

Although I have worked for many years with people in recovery, drugs and booze has never been my thing. Yet I still was so moved by your piece on Isolation. It just felt so familiar to go back into myself when
things get tough. And such a mistake. Thanks for writing it.

"Hooked on Recovery" was brilliant with honesty.

What an interesting article! I found it fascinating that the Spirit may
be convicting you of "talking without walking." Are you going to any
meetings that you are not the boss of? How many AA meetings have you attended in the last year? Beware of being accountable to God alone because in isolation arrogance can disguise one's own voice for God's. I believe you are in greater danger than you may believe or write about. Listen to the Spirit and practice what you preach. The doors are still open. All you need is the courage to enter them and the humility to stay in them. Peace

Ok , I think its healthy to be scared, normal to make mistakes, good to know you have things to be thankful for, and smart to use them..... You never fail to grab my attention.

Hi Phil, thanks for the message. I needed it, and a lot of it makes good
sense to me.I don't know why Joey picked up, but I do know that for me -
the beast lives in me too. I know that even after 27 years in recovery,
somedays life Sucks and getting high is what first comes to my mind.
Like you, I know where my first use will go, I will loose it all, mostly
I will loose me. I have one relapse left in me and I do not believe I could come back after a relapese, not because of shame,but because my
addiction wants me dead, PERIOD. In recovery I am healthy, free and able
to pass along the message of experience strength and hope and you know
our disease hates that. Meetings help, and at the ripe old age of 55 I
discovered gardening, and for some rason that helps me. I don't think of ANYTHING when I garden, I Zen out I guess, time passes and when my
drug beat body can take no more squating, bending or croaching, I'm done
and physically dirty( from dirt not dope !) but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually I am clean!!!! My Higher Power works for me if I allow it and only if I stay clean. You will be ok, we all will be ok, minute by minute, one day at a time.

That was agreat one for me today.......I really like the statement "if I am too busy to take care of my recovery I am too busy". Thanks for sharing...

Phillip~
Great message!

Beautifully written (and felt) article. Am passing it out at our weekly Clinical Meeting. See you at the walk!

From 8/5/05: Raspberry Mary Veggie Girl

I just read "Raspberry Mary Veggie Girl", and I must say it gave me such a wonderful warm feeling inside. If this is what Recovery is about....then everyone should be in Recovery.
Thanks for sharing a part of your life. Sometimes we don't think outside of our own being.

I really enjoying reading your story - Raspberry Mary Veggie Girl sounds like a joy! Hope this note finds you well.

Loved your email. It was not too late. It came just in the time I needed to
feel the warmth of a loving family. Loved every line. It really made me feel good.

This is so very beautiful, reading it brought bitter sweet tears to my eyes. Tears of joy, hope and happiness for you and your family, also tears of remembrance of my years with Tony and the many memories of him as a child. We are both blessed, you for your life and the memories you are creating each day, and me...I am blessed because today when I think of Tony, even though tears come to my eyes, there is a smile on my lips.

Very sweet and dear!!!

From 7/8/05: Alcohol Musings from the Beach

I couldn't believe your message. I guess I'm an old fuddy duddy but getting
bombed at the beach wasn't one of the things my friends and I did. And
with your children there? You're right, we need to do something about it and
also the other drugs. But what?

Thanks Phil, I live in the desert now, but I grew up on the Jersey shore and did alot of drinking on the beach.Recovery is for those of us who want it, not those who need it. It is easy to get mad at parents who drink and drive. My kids didn't see me drink and drive, cause I didn't do it. But I did drink and live, and they saw that. From another friend of Bill"s who also has 2 grandchildren who never saw me drink. I am also grateful. ALL of my friends from high school who said I would never reach 30 are gone,and alcohol,or alcohol related things took all of them. Only GOD knows why some of us get sober, and some of us die early.

From 6/24/05: Joshua's Good Steak

Loved the story, what an awesome kid!!

From 5/27/05: Incredible! Amazing!

Good one. Your honesty is astounding...

From 5/13/05: A Whale of a Story

I thoroughly enjoyed that story ! Being an avid salt water fisherman myself, I could appreciate the feelings you must have felt when that whale surfaced right next to you! The sea is where I feel closest to my H.P. ! Oh, he is always with me, but when I am on the ocean, I just feel so much closer to him! I look forward to doing some fishing on a boat this summer. Maybe you could recomend an affordable charter boat. Thanks again for the exciting story! Miles Oh, by the way, could you give me more info on the Legislative
Reception on 6/1? I would like to bring a couple of the people we serve
here at GBCMHC if possible. How would I present this to them to see if
they are interested?

From 4/29/05: In The Still of the Night

I've enjoyed your writing and wanted to say thanks for taking the time to share it. You've inspired me to look into surf fishing. I've done that as a kid. It may even be a way for me to spend time with an older brother that I don't see that often. Have a great day.

Another great article, this ine and your journey for a beach pass are
classics! Thanks, keep up the great work!

From 4/15/05: Any Length

Thanks for making me cry and helping me strengthen my own convictions. Whenever I read your column I step back and take a look at my own life. This time I am looking at the things I have put aside out of fear, like trying to publish the story I wrote, or because I was waiting until I had more time. I will never have more time and the fear of rejection connected to trying to publish my story will never go away. The only time I have is now and I need to make the most of it. Thanks for unconditionally giving of yourself to us all, and lots of unconditional love back to you. Enjoy the beach this summer!

Phillip I'm hooked on your stories! Every week I can't wait to read your article! Once again, you've created a great masterpiece :) Have a great day!

It is always good to hear how things are going for you and your family and how the lord always works things out. The Wonderful Journey of Sobriety, never knowing who is around the next corner and being available for miracles..
But for the grace of God, One Day At A Time.

Thanks Phil for another great and inspiring story of the blessings of recovery.

From 4/1/05: Giving Back

Phil - Great story! Definitely put a tear in my eye.

Thank you for a meaningful and joyous Monday message, to help start my week with my priorities correct.

From 3/18/05: Walking with Samantha

Phil you never cease to amaze me. I love it when you talk about the kids. This was a wonderful article about Sami. I wish I could be on one of your walks too.

From 2/18/05: Matty Boy

This one made me laugh out loud and then cry at the end. You have such a talent for writing. Please considering publishing them! Thank you for sharing your gift with us.

Thanks again for these life changing stories. I hope to use them in some of my sermons soon. They help me to paint a clear picture of God at work in our lives.

You realize these are going to be in book form some day don't you. Another great piece.

God bless you! And isn't our Father just the greatest???!!! It is such a pleasure to read your articles - my spirit is in such agreement with you. Those of us who have come to God and really accepted Him are all in one form of recovery or another. My recovery may not be from alcohol/drugs but recovery from a spiritually dead, going no where in hurry, defeated, masked life. I am so grateful to say that I am one who has gone from disgrace to dignity, from darkness to light, from despair to zeal, from obscurity to learning that I have purpose and that I'm the apple of His eye...imagine that! Stay in the River (Ezek.47) and be blessed!

From 2/4/05: Disco Diversion

Now dancing, listening to hip hop/ classical/blues/disco/rock/music is my "higher power". Enjoyed !

Great advice. How can your mood not be changed by music and dancing? By the way – I too was a Rock n Roll and Disco fan. It wasn’t easy!

Personally I'm not much into disco, and I'm 48. I met GOD on His terms and recovery for me is based on a more positive issue about my Creator, "worship". I sing songs in my heart about Him. But, if it (disco) keeps someone sober, or abstinent from alcohol and drugs then go for it. Anyway I am all about sobriety, big words like "Recovery" are much a part of my vocabulary and volunteer activity. So if disco works for someone let me know. Personally I'm more inclined to listen to good 'ol Gospel music. Hey if you have anymore ideas please let me know, we all need to keep an open mind. If you want to visit a Church then I suggest a Bible Preaching Church. Talk to you later. Keep up the work of Recovery.

It's very good as usual....nothing to be embarassed about, at least not from someone who grew up at the same time.

What a nice story. Music soothes the savage beast. Have a wonderful weekend.

You Go Brother Phil! Disco Diversion, I love it!!!!!

From 1/21/05: Remodeling

I really love your messages, but I want you to know this one was a little heavy on the "god" stuff. Please dont be offended by this, but my thoughts are that if people think that God has a plan for them, they won't plan for themselves. If folks think there will be a better life in heaven, they will let this one get by them. Why not congratulate yourself for your hard work and pererverence? Why is there a mystical 3rd party in there? I know this is a much heavier conversation for email, but I would like to be able to have it with you someday.

I just want to thank you for your words of wisdom. I don't know how I ended on your list, but it certainly has been worthwhile for some very good reasons. Thank you.

Thanks for your thoughts relating to recovery. Congratulations of the birth of your recent child also....I meant to write when you sent a story that dealt w/ the birth, but as I recall it was before the holidays? and when I read it I got all choked up and could'nt deal w/ it. My husband was an addict who spent many years in recovery, he sponsored people, spoke at meetings, he loved NA., ......he died of a drug overdose in 2000. I guess when I read your stories I think, "that could've been Peter", or I think he would've admired you, or been a friend of yours.......sometimes it seems like "just yesterday" that he died, other times it seems like a million years ago. But he's with me every day, and now that I think of it, I'm sure he does admire you! He wants to see all addicts maintain their recovery even though he unfortunately lost his and couldn't get it back. Keep inspiring others!

As always, Phil, this was awesome.....!!!! And I want to encourage you to turn these into a devotional for those in recovery....a 365 day book or 12 month inspirational book. I'd like to purchase the first copy!

From 1/7/05: Razor Boy

Mr. Valentine, I ran across this while Googling "Razor Boy": http://www.ccar.us/pdfs/01_07_05_Razorboy.pdf
...and found it to be reminiscent of my own story. I had Countdown to Ecstasy on vinyl when it first came out in '73 during my sophomore year in college, as well as most of the other Steely Dan albums along the way. Razor Boy is a song to which my son has now taken a liking to. He keeps reciting the same passage you quoted: “Will you still have a song to sing when the Razor Boy comes and takes your fancy things away? Will you still be singing it on that cold and windy day?” He's just 12, and I think just likes the fact that it mentions a "boy," and maybe finds the lyric somewhat haunting, as I always did. But, I, myself, know full well the feeling of "that cold and windy day." Fortunately, I'm still here and able to tell of it. It's funny how they've been the one musical act that I've always been taken with throughout both my using and post-using years. I've gotten my wife and both kids into the Dan, and we'll all be going to see them when they come to the area at the end of August. Keep up the good work.

I enjoyed your article, and while I didnt remember all the same songs, I did remember some of my own! Recovery has taught me to identify and not compare! Although I never heard the song, "Razor Boy" took all my things and my song! Now that I am in Recovery, I have learned how to steer clear of "him" also! Thanks for the great article. I have a couple of recovery related poems that I would like to share with you and possibly have them in your newsletter! Let me know the procedure and I will gladly submitt one!

Thanks for sharing some of your life experiences. I work with people with addictions and found your (Hooked On Recovery January 7, 2005 Razor Boy) to be thought provoking. I hope that you have a very Happy Healthy Successful New Year!

Reading what Phillip writes uplifts my spirit and gives me the energy to continue through another day. There are more kinds of recovery than just drugs and alcohol, and I think Phillip understands that we all spend time looking for the pieces that will make our lives better. He just understands better than most that those things are not material, but spiritual and emotional and mental. I love him dearly and if I had to compile a hero list, he would be in my top five. Thanks for always finding the time to give of yourself to me and my family when we are in need, even if it is only building a sand castle that little people can actually fit in or going fishing early in the morning. Love you cousin Phillip!

Another great one

From 12/24/04: A Joyful Noise

Phil, Your column often brings me to tears, but this one was a joyous one! Congratulations on your baby and I wish you all well. Your thoughts in your columns are always read eagerly and shared with our clients. God bless you and your family!

Congratulations to you and your wife on your new daughter. What a wonderful holiday gift! I know the excitement you are feeling!

I loved the story of Mary's birth. She's absolutely beautiful! I am so happy for you, your wife, Mary's siblings, and of course, your mom, who clearly was ready and prepared to get things rocking and rolling by arriving at 4:45 in the morning. (That's what I call maternal dedication!) This was the first message I opened up today--hadn't been in my office in awhile. You made my day.

Another fantastic, moving article that speaks to miracles.

Congratulations to you and Sandy. Mary is perfect! I really enjoyed your presentation in Baltimore. Have a great holiday!

What a wonderful new addition for Christmas and the new year! Enjoy your expanded family! All the best.

From 12/1004: Don't Fall

Hi Phil, Once again - another great story. Happy Holidays to you and your
family!

Phil, I've had the thought of letting you know how much I enjoy your pieces every time I read one of them, but until today haven't acted on it. They are wonderful-and actually, that doesn't capture it. There is something about the weaving of your daily experiences, particularly with your family, that then serves as an analogy for recovery that I find very easy to understand, and thought provoking. I always look forward to the next one.
Have a great holiday if I don't see you before.

From 11/26/04: Staying In

I was forwarded your letter about the holidays by someone close to me. I think you have a strong message and it sounds like an equally strong recovery. I am curious as to how you reconcile your important advocacy work in the context of the 12 traditions. This is not a criticism in any way. As I said earlier, you clearly have a strong message, one which I personally agree with. I hope this email finds you well.

Your "hooked on recovery" message arrived the other day. They are so uplifting. I look forward to receiving them as they always give me food for thought that I can use in my personal life. Keep 'em coming.

From 11/12/04: Raking Leaves

I was just surfing the web looking for an item not even related to recovery and I just read the article you posted about raking leaves in 2004. I'm sitting here in the stillness and quietness of my trailer by Lake Pocotopaug in East Hampton and I love how God works. Through reading what was written almost 4 years ago he can speak to someone today, who is me. No matter how many leaves we think we have cleaned up he gently touches our shoulder and shows us the ones that have dropped and we need to clean up. Like they say we are always in the process and we won't be done raking until we have reached the gates.

Thanks for the inspiration and the gentle reminder that we must always stay vigilant in our recovery or the leaves will pile up.

I was just surfing the web looking for an item not even related to recovery and I just read the article you posted about raking leaves in 2004. I'm sitting here in the stillness and quietness of my trailer by Lake Pocotopaug in East Hampton and I love how God works. Through reading what was written almost 4 years ago he can speak to someone today, who is me. No matter how many leaves we think we have cleaned up he gently touches our shoulder and shows us the ones that have dropped and we need to clean up. Like they say we are always in the process and we won't be done raking until we have reached the gates.
Thanks for the inspiration and the gentle reminder that we must always stay vigilant in our recovery or the leaves will pile up.

Hope all is well. Sounds like you had a wonderful time doing the yard (raking the leaves)! I have to admit, the only part I hate about raking the leaves (whenever I chip in!!) is raking the leaves on a slightly windy day! (LOL) Have a wonderful holiday season with your loved ones!

Hey Phil, good to continue to see your thoughts and witnessing of life. Sharing with all in ways that help us see all the bigness in the little things. I, too, was raking the lawn the other day and feeling the boundless rapture of being in the moment. The power of now enveloping me without any regard for past or future. Each leaf was the important thing. So, glad to see you're still fishing and in joy with life. Hear wonderful things about your work. Keep at it!

From 10/15/04: Seals in the Surf

Hi Phil, I just wanted to tell you how much I enjoy your Hooked on Recovery letters. You are a wonderful story teller, and I learn something, take a moment to reflect, and inevitably have a smile on my face at the end of each one. They reflect your warmth, hope,gratitude, and openness and always brighten my day. Thanks for the time and effort you put into
these. Just wanted you to know. Have a terrific day!

I read the column,and it seemed so peaceful, and beautiful, I really wanted a nice quite vacation after that,and your so so right, I only dream of someday being at peace and content with my decease, I have a little over 90 days, and I feel so restless inside,and scared at times,so anyways I just want to let you know I did enjoy what you wrote, and that is my dream , true contentment, with myself.

From 10/1/04: I Am Not Ashamed

God bless you, Phil. God has done a wonderful thing in and for you. I hear a strength that I did not hear when you first started as Exec. Dir. I loved every line in your "I am not ashamed" speech. It was so encouraging and direct. I am sure the angels were singing Amen. You gave the Lord honor in a very huge way. Amen.

Thank you, Phil - as one who was picked up by the wayside and strengthened and one who has the blessed ability to see mankind through the eyes of God, I want to thank you for your testimony. The word of God says, "...let the redeemed say so." We are the redeemed and I gain strength by "saying so" and hearing the testimony of others who have
been blessed to have the same glorious experience.

Hello Phil, This is a brief thank you for the most recent "chapter" of Hooked on Recovery. I have enjoyed your "fish stories" from previous e-mail...and yet reading your statement from the CCAR Walk was beyond mere enjoyment. I felt the power of your words (and your journey) almost as though I was present in Bushnell Park with you and thousands more.
Recovery Month was a busy one for me as I presented at three conferences (it's what I do these days), participated in a Recovery Walk in central Illinois (small crowd but it's a start), facilitated a Treatment Providers Summit Meeting (for Recovery Resource Center), and attended a Recovery Rally at the Statehouse in Columbus, Ohio (where I danced with the governor's wife -- it's a long story). I had a ball celebrating at all of these events, and I thank you for helping me to experience one more.

Great speech Phillip. Keep up the great work you are doing for all who are in recovery or seeking recovery. We pray for God to continue His blessings upon you.

Thanks. This is really good stuff ( the truth always is..........)

I loved your message. Love in Christ

Phil, Everytime you write something, it never fails to move me. I'm glad I know you.


From 8/20/04: Another Fish Story

Great story, Phil - put a smile on my face and got my day off to a great start! Thanks:)

Phil, Thanks for this story and message. It put things into perspective for me this morning as I spend hours putting together information that may or may not ever be read by the intended audience.
I am listening and learning and seeing the great seeds you are spreading over the landscape. Thanks!
By the way, I loved the other fish story when Tom had you come to visit us at the staff meeting. Never too many for me, keep them coming!
Thanks again and God bless you

From 7/26/04: Sand Eels

A great message - I love the things that come to us while we are on vacation and have a free and clear mind. It's scary isn't it!? But just to play devil's advocate with your fishing metaphor...once you "hook" the fish, you kill it and cook it up, don't you? Is this really the message we want to send to the men and women striving for recovery?
I'm just messin' with your head - I loved your article!

Thanks for the great stories. I have been reading and sharing them with our Seniors in Recovery program here in Stamford. I think by sending these stories out is a lot like fishing with a a liitle chum, it attracts a lot more fish!! As Tom Kirk was leaving Liberartion Programs to take on his State job, I preasented him with a picture of himself holding up a worm (we helped the kids fish at our company picnic). I thanked him for teaching us how to fish rather than just giving us fish. We will eat for a life time.

I am very gald to be a part of CCAR!!! I am a very grateful addict in recovery today and I welcome the opportunity to spread a message of hope to those in and out of recovery. Being in recovery is a GREAT blessing and I am a truly happy person today. Just wanted to share that with you. God Bless from your sister in recovery.

A truly very nice story.
Joseph Harding, person in recovery since 12/18/88, devoted husband father of two, expecting none, part time home carpenter and guitarist. P.S. My little voice would tell me to each the cheeseburger (but I'm working on it) - humor is also important!

This message is very timely for me . . . . celebrate recovery is a blessing and a drain on our marriage these days all the work and details to manage... high moments of watching God change a life and low, low moments of watching folks too afraid to make that first courageous step . . . keeping marching Christian solider . . . keep writing . . . . keep "fishing" for the metaphors to encourage we laborers . . .

I LOVED this! Thank you SO much!

I am glad you had a vacation and sea glass and kayaking are two of my favorites. Musing away about our work and recovery seem quite normal to me.

I really liked this one.

Just a quick line to tell you that I really enjoy your articles. You are a good writer. And as for your "sand eels" as subject matter, unusual ideas are more interesting to read! You should also know that I print your articles out and share them in our "Info Folders" that we have for every one of our meetings: the Regional Board meetings, CACs (Catchment Area Councils), and our Consumer Action Group (known as the CAG) which is made up of people in recovery from mental illness.
Lastly, I hope you keep coming to the State Board meetings. And that you speak up. Regardless of the membership, if people representing those who need to/are recovering from addictions are not heard, the issues are not given enough weight.

I don't know if you get much feedback on these so I thought I would write. I really enjoy them. the sand eels are a good metaphor. Thanks for doing this. Take care!

From 6/25/04: Attitude of Gratitude

What a powerful message. Thank you for "reminding" me what I have always known, "One day at a time, Life is a gift." Having known someone who died from this disease just 2 days ago at only 47 years old.....I am truly grateful. Thank you again.

There is a saying be grateful for the good and the bad. I understand that through pain our Lord is wanting us to trust in him and in him only. In the End the most important thing for us is our relationship with him. Unfortunately some of us have to be called closer to him
thru pain. For that I am grateful. Thanks for your calling of ministry. One Day At A Time,
Love in Christ.

And, I"m grateful to have known people like you who are caring, committed and conscious on so many levels. thanks for your continued devotion to health.

I have been feeling a little down for most of this week... there's nothing that happened in particular that triggered these emotions, just felt down and out - overwhelmed! But after reading your email I realize that I have so much to be grateful for. I should be doing what the Bible says... IN all things, give thanks... Instead of having a pity party, I should have been praising God and counting my blessings. Thanks again for sharing. Be blessed!

Very nice. I havent gotten one in a while. Thanks

Thanks Phil. there are never too many times that we need to be reminded about how important it is give thanks and praise.

Thank you. This was a particularly moving message.

From 5/28/04: Priorities

I have a concern with your recent message. Priority #1 Recovery I totally agree that one's first priority needs to be one's recovery; however, you may be sending a mixed message to the recovering community. Granted you maintain your spiritual condition through "Bible reading,church service and an OCCASIONAL recovery support meeting". MANY of us,
maintain our spiritual condition through REGULAR recovery support meetings and working the steps with a sponsor. Hopefully, you will offer the alternative to those who have not found their spiritual maintenance through the Bible. Both work to sustain ongoing recovering and a solid foundation with spiritual principles. Clean date: 5/28/84.

Hi Phillip,another great article regarding the recovery milieu in your last e-mail.I enjoy learning about recovery from the inside out. I am presently involved in the mental health recovery aspect and am trying to start a prayer- bible study group that is on going and supportive,not unlike AA or NA, as I had become appalled at the outlandish stigma in my own church. Anyway, education of the local clergy is in the works through an Educational Committee of the Consumer Advisory Board at Southeastern Connecticut Mental Health Authority (CAB of SMHA) which I am on. Also, I wanted to mention that I would like very much to help whoever got the New London position that was offered about a month ago. I lost a family member to drug addiction years ago and support recovery anyway I can. Just let me know, I would only be able to volunteer though...thank you again for another great try in promoting recovery.

Phil, Your weekly homilies are refreshing, insightful and make me mindful of the commitment we all have to make to ourselves and each other in order to live life to its fullest. Didn't know that you and Sandy were expecting a child. That will be a wonderful addition to an already wonderful family. CONGRATS to all!

Thanks for putting into words what we all must do for ourselves & others, whether we are in recovery or not. These sound like good ways to just live a full life!

Just wanted to say thank you for this mornings- hooked on recovery column- ( I've been out since Thursday) What a great way to re-group after the long weekend. I enjoyed your message about your spiritual contingencies, and really like how "real" you are- thanks for reminding me of my own priorities.

From 5/14/04: Take What You Need and Leave the Rest

Thanks Phil. I'm passing this along. Maybe this could get included in a curriculum on COD (Co-Occurring Disorders). It's fun and informative.

Thanks for your message I have passed it on to my staff and volunteers.

This was a keeper.

Thanks for including me on your e mailing list. I love reading what you write.

From 4/30/04: The Anonymity Factor

Read your e-mail. May use the quote on ignorance with my staff ... I do agree that 'coming out' is not for everyone but it has helped me combat stigma in a real way, and even though I'm the 'one with the mental illness' on the management team, I'm also frankly the most stable and one of the most seasoned members due to my previous corporate business experience. Keep the thoughts coming.

My name is Rick Ohrstrom and I serve on the board of the NCADD. I am aware of this history and also of the confusion around this whole issue. A confusion I might add that is artfully played upon by the highest echelons of AA leadership who would like to forget this all happened and told me so. That is why we live in a time where stigma is if anything worse than it was when Marty -- with Bill and Dr. Bob's help -- founded the NCADD. A number of years ago I wrote a pamphlet which carefully examined the issues of advocacy in recovery and AA anonymity. It was approved by the "panicking panjandrums of upper Riverside avenue" read AA senior leadership and in partnership with Join Together over 200,000 copies were printed and distributed. I would be glad to get you some to reprint, copy and handout. Steal this book it's free.

Nice piece. I've forwarded it to several individuals and organizations. I love the idea of your "hooked on recovery" series. -Bill White

From 4/16/04: An Eternal Moment

This is a wonderful story and I had a similar experience today as I sat with my daughter who is expecting her first baby and remembering myself in those years, the subsequent years and today. Whatever we have to recover from, when we do, it is a blessing and daily gratitude feels right. Best to you.

You brought a tear to my eye and a smile to my lips. NICE JOB!!! And congratulations to you and your entire family.

Very touching Phillip. Thank you. I hope your son did notice your tears.

Thanks, Phil, for a beautiful moment.

Brought tears to my eyes, too, Phil. I hope you put your reflections in a journal for your children and grandchildren to read as they are very special to all of us who love you. Thanks for sharing.

The Joy Is In The Journey. Love it, Lots of Love from here.

From 4/02/04: It's Easy to Abuse an Abuser

Dearest Phil, Thank you for that thought provoking essay… so deep I'm going to have to read it a few more times before it sinks in and I understand it properly. It always amazes me how other minds work, and it helps me to stretch to reach my potential. Sending much love and laughter.

Thanks Phil. This information is really helpful.

Hello Phil, I would like you to be aware that I personally take offense to your words in this article. One of my "pet peeves" is the use of stigmatizing language such as "certifiably insane." I hope you didn't use those words in your workshop about "The Language of Recovery." Unfortunately, you make it sound as though a person with a psychiatric disability, or "certifiably insane" as you put it, has erratic behavior, a ghastly appearance and unpredictable behavior. Of course this kind of description would have to be extremely "grating" to me and others in recovery. It's as if you yourself are stigmatizing while arguing against the use of stigmatizing language. I hope we can work together to use language which will be less stigmatizing to all. I ask that you make a statement rephrasing your comments and, in the future, be more careful with your language. As for me, I pledge to never use the words "substance abuse."

Interesting opinion. Thanks for sharing it with me. In our agency, we define abuse as when the use of a substance gets in the way of the rest of one's life, i.e., work, relationships, home, etc. I would suggest to you that the experts don't agree how much addiction vs. choice plays a role in one's use of substances. As far as alcohol is concerned it seems to me a lot of people drink (alcohol) and are able to manage their lives at the same time and would not be labeled an alcoholic, addicted, etc. I believe this may be true for other substances as well. Tough issue.

That was an awesome article! I have yet to get my hands on a copy of "Slaying the Dragon" by William White. But I will. Thanks.

Hi, Phil - I want to commend you for writing these "little pieces." I think they are really good. I have always wished we had more writers in RCSP. Keep up the good work.

Phil, Thanks for the corrections on addiction terms. We routinely say "substance abuse ", but will attempt to avoid using that particular descriptive phrase. Enjoy the newsletters very much. Professional, yet personal. Blessings and be well.

Wow, thank you for this very thought provoking article!

return to top